Doom and gloom

Seems like modern day cinema can't survive without franchises, every studio wants to have its own ''Harry potter'' in order to generate a shitload of money and milk the cow in the future. So it wasn't that weird when every god damn well known YA series were turned into movies and the 5th wave is the latest addition to the YA movies family and yeah it bombed, at least in the USA. So the question is, are YA adaptations doomed?? 

The thing about the dystopian genre (and any other YA fantasy adaptations) is that they all have the same damn cliches, nothing really new to add:

1- there is always a corrupted government or a bunch of assholes who control things.

2- There is always a chosen one, a Neo, someone who'll save the society from the ruling assholes. 

3- Teens are always fighting, a group of people who are still trying to deal with their hormones are trained to fight and kill like savages, fuck yeah.

4- A fucking love triangle with two hot leads and don't forget the abs. The society is fucked up but there is always time for a love triangle. In case of not having a love triangle, the chosen one will end up with a hot but emotionally fucked up dude. It's ok, love will make them survive. 

5- Adults are a bunch of assholes. Trust no one, Mulder. 

6- There is always a game or test that you will have to pass to determine your fucked up future.

7- The heroine always has self esteem issues, emotionally fucked up and so fucking boring.

When adopting a book into a movie, you are not targeting the fans of the books, you're targeting movie fans so you really have to make things interesting for them. What was so interesting about Tris?? A divergent is a normal person so why would you expect the people to give a fuck about a totally normal person living in a weird ass society?? The movie makers failed in making a connection between the characters and the audience so people didn't really give a fuck about the whole thing. Those who are making these adaptations aren't trying to add anything new to their movies so people aren't really that thrilled with these movie. Harry potter movies are interesting to watch, you could feel that those behind the movies knew what they were doing and who to choose to sit behind the chair and have a vision to make the movies work for both the fans and the audience so people went to see the movies without hesitating. 

But when you have different titles but with the same elements, people won't really give a fuck and movies like the giver are prime examples. The movie market is huge and there are a lot of movies to choose from and these movie don't really standout and aren't attractive enough for people to spend their hard earned money on. So is the YA genre dead ??? Well, if things keep going like this then yeah, pretty much. 

Shatter me, f*ck me,,,

It's been a while!! Had to make a lot of best of lists, tribute articles and of course work so I was really busy in the last couple of month. For some reason I though that reading The shatter me series would be a great idea especially after finding out that the series has some really solid rating on goodreads but boy did I regret it. That was the biggest ''Fuck you'' I've ever experienced. So what makes this series so bad?? Let's find out. 

1- I just didn't buy the world that they were living in..

So nature got pissed and decided to take revenge or something which led to this fucked up dystopian society,  it's like watching a poor sequel to the happening. 

I guess the author was inspired by things like Birdemic and the day after tomorrow. So ok lets say that the whole world got fucked by the environment, how did the establishment take over the world??? Nuclear power??? Robots?? angry birds??? No one knows.

Books like the hunger games and divergent made sure that the dystopian societies are small scale societies to make things make more sense and convincing. I didn't buy Mafi's world and that's a huge problem for a trilogy.  

2- The NWO aka the reestablishment 

So according to Mafi's dystopia there is a new world order, they are tough and ruthless motherfuckers who have no mercy at all.

 

Well, that was a cool idea but by god did Mafi ruin such a cool idea, instead we ended up with a group led by your stereotypical Asshole and the way they brought the NWO government down was pathetic and stupid. The hunger games made sure that we feel the wrath of the Capitol's government and so did books like 1984, they made you feel how strong and sadistic those regimes are but here??? What was supposed to be a hell of a regime who took over the fucking world got defeated so quickly in the most wtf way ever. As for their leader, Anderson he is the most generic evil guy you'll ever meet, all he needed was a cat and an evil laugh and I won't even talk about his issues with his son (more on that later). 

3- Nothing really happens 

We spent most of the first book in an asylum, then we went to an army's camp, Adam's house and that's it. In book two we spent most of the time underground and in book three we spent some valuable time in Warner's room and the army's facility. What about the rest of the country??? We didn't get to see how the world looks like, yeah yeah we got a hint here and there about where people live and stuff like that but most of the time they're either underground or any place with walls which made things boring and slow. 

4- The X- Men 

The idea of having superpowers was really interesting and meeting the people at Omega point was a great idea but it got ruined by the shitty love triangle. Focusing on omega point and it's characters might have been a greater idea and by god making Juliette the chosen one was sp stupid!! Mafi could have selected a different route and do something unique with Castle and his X- men but instead Mafi turned castle into an idiot and Juliette got to be our new messiah. The story didn't need a chosen one but hey it's a dystopian story so there must be a chosen one. Plus Juliette is like the worst chosen one I've ever seen but more on that later. 

5 - Juliette...

So you have a fucked up regime, a dying world, a group of mutant rebellions and some serious mental issues but instead of focusing on all of this we get to witness who Juliette wants to fuck. Who gives a shit??? Thing is there are people who give a shit about such fucked up things. Is it that important to have a boy friend??? Instead of focusing on her powers and shit we get to sit through Juliette's arguments with her emo boyfriend Adam who turned from a beloved person to one crazy abusive motherfucker, at some point I thought that he was on his way to join the dark side. 

And that's why I love Kenji because he was the only sane person in the whole trilogy, the world doesn't really revolve around Juliette and her hormones. And Aron, let's face it the guy is one mad motherfucker but somehow he turned out to be a good guy with some daddy issues, the way Mafi writes her characters is really disturbing and unstable. Most of Ignite me was wasted on Juliette and Aron's relation instead of focusing on their real mission which was destroying the reestablishment which made the whole thing feel unfocused and forced. And it's beyond me on how they trusted her to be their leader, she is in love with a maniac and she isn't stable at all and she is controlled by her hormones how would you trust her to lead you and take over the world and destroy the NWO??? How the fuck does this even make any sense???! And boy the way that she destroyed Anderson and his army, wow, Superman had to destroy a whole city to defeat General Zod which makes the reestablishment the most mediocre villains ever plus those who are around juliette are idiots for trusting her to lead the world but I guess at some point someone will realized that making her the leader is a huge mistake and that she should seek some professional help. 

  

Shitty movies that shouldn't even exist...

So by now it's obvious that I'm into B- horror movies and bad movies that they are good and entertaining to watch. But sometimes you will stumble on some movies that are simply bad, and at some point you'll have to ask yourself why were these movie made?? I just want my wasted hours back, fuck you for wasting my precious time. 

The Hoarder

Plot (IMDB): A young woman enters an underground storage facility, where she soon finds herself trapped and stalked by a killer.

I though that this might be an interesting film, reading the movie's plot made me think that this might be an entertaining movie but instead this ended being a hell of mess. The acting is just terrible, as if the ''actors'' just wanted to wrap this shit up, take their and call it a day. The script is so poor and by god the ''killings?'' are so poorly done. I don't want to spoil the movie but that ending was a hell of an epic fail, but seeing Andrew Buckley running like an idiot was the highlight of the movie. 

Agoraphobia

Plot (IMDB):: An agoraphobic inherits her father's house in a remote part of the Florida Keys. When weird things start happening, she discovers that there's something far more terrifying trapped inside the house with her.

Seeing Tony Todd on the poster made me want to see this movie so fuck you movie for deceiving me. They just threw his name in to attract people to see this shitfest. The movie's biggest problem is that it's deceiving and nothing really happens, by god this is a hell of a boring film. The movie was supposed to be a supernatural horror movie but it ended up being a soap opera that happens to involve a ghost in it. Even the ''scary'' parts are so meh and forgettable. Fuck you again for putting Tony Todd on the poster.

Echoes 

Plot (Rotten Tomatoes):Struggling with horrifying, sleep-paralysis induced visions, a young writer retreats with her boyfriend to an isolated desert house. As the visions intensify, she finds herself on the verge of losing her mind...or uncovering a life-threatening secret

While the acting and the direction are good and Kate French did a solid job but the script and the plot are really weak and made watching paint dry and far more interesting idea than seeing this movie. I don't know what happened but the sleep paralysis idea was really interesting until they threw in the ghost thing which wasn't really necessary. This really pissed me off because the locations were really interesting, so bad they were wasted on this snorefest. 

V/H/S Viral

While the first movie had some interesting ideas and the second one was a masterpiece, the third one was a big pile of shit. I'm not sure what were they thinking while making this movie but by god the whole thing was just awful. It's one of those ''Hey we need a sequel'' type of movies. It's a shame that such a great series ended in a such shitty way. 

A nightmare on elm street (2010)

I really don't know why did they want to remake this movie?? In an age that is full meaningless  remakes and reboots this is worst of them all. Unlike Rob Zombie's Halloween in which he tried to put his own touch on the movie, this one here fails to justify it's existence. Even with a higher budget than the old one, it fails in bringing the magic that Wes Craven brought in the original movie. The movie is so bland, generic and mediocre at its best, in other words we didn't need a nightmare on elm street remake. Fuck you for doing this to such a great series. 

Shit to watch on Halloween

So Halloween is on its way and as you know, when it come to Halloween, horror movies are a must. So I decided to write a list of horror movies that I like, and no this list won't contain movies like Saw and Halloween because you already know them. Lets try to dig deeper in the B movies territory. 

 V/H/S 2

Plot (FROM IMDB): Searching for a missing student, two private investigators break into his house and find collection of VHS tapes. Viewing the horrific contents of each cassette, they realize there may be dark motives behind the student's disappearance.

While the first movie was good, VHS 2 is a masterpiece when it comes to found footage movies. The movie is more focused and it's full of holyshit moments and interesting ideas. The part that makes this movie a terrifying piece of art is ''safe haven'' brought to you by the crazy motherfucker behind ''The raid'' Gareth Evans. A hell of segment but this doesn't mean that the rest of the movie is bad, but this one here is a masterpiece by its own. 

Let us prey

Plot (FROM IMDB): Held in a remote police station, a mysterious stranger takes over the minds and souls of everyone inside.

Who knew that the Irish could make such amazing movie. This movie made me want to discover more movies made by the Irish film council and by god did I  discover some amazing shit. This movie is really twisted, and has old school elements to it. It's sad that such movies don't take their chances compared to other shitty movies. 

From Beyond 

Plot (FROM IMDB): A group of scientists have developed the Resonator, a machine which allows whoever is within range to see beyond normal perceptible reality. But when the experiment succeeds, they are immediately attacked by terrible life forms.

Such an underrated movie!! From the mastermind behind the Re-animator, Stuart Gordon. The thing that makes this a great movie is the fact that it's taken from a short story written by the lunatic H.P Lovecraft.  The 80s is full of underrated treasures and when it comes to B- movies this is a must see movie. 

You are next

Plot (FROM IMDB): When the Davison family comes under attack during their wedding anniversary getaway, the gang of mysterious killers soon learns that one of the victims harbors a secret talent for fighting back.

Mixing black humor with gore is a great idea that added a lot to the home invasion genre. The movie is smart and full of interesting twists. Sharni Vinson is the best thing of the movie, till now this is one of my favourite home invasion movies. 

Spring 

Plot (FROM IMDB): A young man in a personal tailspin flees the US to Italy, where he sparks up a romance with a woman harboring a dark, primordial secret.

A mix between horror and romance, this movie is surreal and one of the best movies that came out in 2015. I really don't know how to describe this but if you are into fresh and somewhat out of the box ideas then this movie is for you. 

The Canal

Plot (FROM IMDB): Film archivist David (Rupert Evans) has been having a rough time lately, as he suspects that his wife Alice (Hannah Hoekstra) has been cheating on him with Alex (Carl Shaaban), one of her work clients. This stress is compounded when David's work partner Claire (Antonia Campbell-Hughes) gives him a reel of to-be-archived footage that shows that his house was the setting for a brutal murder in 1902.

Let's wrap this up with another Irish movie. Ivan managed to create a hunting and creepy atmosphere with a really twisty ending. This movie isn't for everyone because of it's slow build up. The movie is more atmospheric than depending on jump scares, the director managed to create a grim atmosphere with the location and manged to make me glued to my seat until the end. 

So that's it for now, there are more movies on my mind but that's it for now, hope you enjoy these movie and happy HALLOWEEN.... 

Dark Places... Dark, twisted and a true page turner....

Candles glow on alters bare
a virgin's death is needed there
sacrifice to Lucifer my master
bring the calico raise the knife
welcome to my sacrifice
plunge the dagger in her breast
I insist
S.A.C.R.I.F.I.C.E.
limbs weaken life flies away demons rejoice
sacrifice, sacrifice, name your price, sacrifice

- Venom, Sacrifice

It's been a while since I've read something that interesting, by God, Gillian Flynn is a genius!! Gone girl is a good book but this one here is epic by all means. The book had it all, fucked up people, metal, satanic rituals, a hell of an ending and a somewhat hopeful message about starting over or whatever. So lets review this book, and I'll try to be brief.

1- Let's discuss our main character, Libby Day. At first, I hated her, but as I went through the book I realised that her character is really complicated and well developed in a way that at some point you'll have to feel sorry for her and I really wanted thing to end well for her. And that's a great thing about Flynn's characters are complicated and somewhat dark not one dimensional. 

2- What helped in making the Libby's character solid is the way the novel is written. You have three parallel narratives going on, one by libby in the present and the other two are by Ben and their mother back in 1985. This made the mystery more engaging and thrilling. 

3- The idea of guilt and second chances and I really do think that this was the novels' main theme. What if after more than 20 years you found out that you may have falsely accused your brother of murdering your entire family but even he doesn't want to talk to save his ass. The novel does a great job in mirroring Libby's feelings towards her brother plus here the thing, at some point you'll ask yourself do they (Ben and Libby) deserve second chances?? and Did Billy do it?? If not, then Libby had to deal with the guilt of imprisoning her own flesh and blood if not then she'll at least know what really happened. I really liked the transition that happened to Libby from trying to find answers to earn some cash to actually trying to find the truth to what happened to her family. 

4- The novel also sheds some light on the whole satanic worship thing that took part in the 80s and how people were freaked out. Ben's character was really complicated and he felt neglected and confused. (spoiler alert) The whole worshiping Satan thing was just a phase, a trend, bullshit in other words. Ben and his friends were a group of confused teenagers who wanted to feel that they belonged to something especially Ben. The whole they worship satan thing was really old, even Led Zeppelin were accused of being satanists. Heck, in Norway, the whole satanic thing was cool a whole genre was built on it aka Black Metal. And as great and artistic Black metal is, it got famous because of the bullshit and urban legends surrounding it. Burning churches was the cool thing back in the days but after moving on, most of those so called satanists were doing the whole thing to gain interest and create some sort of an image, the shock value in other words. The whole satanism thing is really complicated, there are books and documentaries about this, I might discuss this in another time.

5- I'm planning to see the movie to see how did they make this complicated novel to the big screen. The novel is really juicy, the characters are complicated and not one dimensional, the ending is a bit shocking and how Flynn kept adding layers to the story, giving you more stuff to think about and try to find out who killed the days makes this book a hell of a read. Give it a try...... 

  

Fantastic four---- When normal failure isn't enough,,,

What started as a promising and interesting movie, ended into something that only would come from the asylum not fox...

When I went to see the movie, I knew all the bad buzz the surrounded the movie so I wasn't really sure what to expect and till now I can't really figure out what to write because this movie is so marvelous on so many levels, I've never seen such a terrific way to kill and botch your own franchise. So I decided to split this up into two parts:

1- The good parts (the first part of the movie).

2- The bad parts (the final parts of the movie).

So what went right?? what made me think that this movie might not be as bad as people are saying??? 

The first part of the movie felt like as if Trank and co wanted to take this movie into a more sci-fi direction and It had this Nolan feeling into it, which was fine by me. We first get introduced to a younger version of Reed Richards and Ben Grim and how the became best friends and then we get to see them grow up and we find out that both of them succeeded in building a prototype teleporter that has the ability to transport stuff into another dimension, so far so good. Then we get introduced to Dr. Storm and his adopted daughter Sue after they find out about Reed's machine and it turns out that Dr. storm has been working on the same project but a bigger scale so he asks Reed to join him and try to make the machine work after years of failed attempts. Till now the plot was good and I had the feeling that this might pay off by the end. We then get introduced to the rest of the gang, Dr. Storm's son Johnny and the one and only Von Doom but lets talk about him later. The chemistry between those guys in the first part was really good plus the cast did their best into making us buy into these characters but before we reach into the next part of the story you could feel that a lot of stuff was edited out of the movie, you never got the chance to see what made those young people so special (Reed aside). And after re watching the trailers I do think that they took out a lot of essential parts might have helped us into understanding those young people and their gifts. So they finally manage to build the machine and went into the other dimension which had a bit of a cool design, before shit hit the fan and the whole place started to explode before they return back, leaving Von Doom behind and by god how brilliant and horrifying the whole scenes were. The whole accident thing was nicely shot and it was disturbing enough to make me feel how horrifying the whole accident was. It was scenes like this one that made me buy into the movie and like it for a bit. But the really, really disturbing and horrifying part was when then found out that the accident made then into freaks, when we got to see them after the accident, it had this horror movie feeling into it, it was so dark and grim and this when the movie stopped making any sense and started to lead into nothing. But till this point I was invested into the movie and I was expecting that all of this will lead to something. 

And then when we were about to see how will they adapt their new powers and how will they interact with each other as a unit, this happens:

This when I started to feel that I'm watching a whole new movie, because starting from here nothing really happens. But they started to show us that the military are using them and trying to figure out how to make more of them which is ok by but the thing is that this didn't lead to anything. They started to throw things at you like they started to know how to control their powers and that Reed is a total dick, speaking of, at some point you would expect him doing something which he was as he was trying to find a cure for his friends but finally the army decided to catch him and bring him back. Problem is that all of this happens so fast and the more the movie progresses the more you feel that there were huge changes were made. What's more frasturating is that when something starts to happen, it never really goes anywhere. Like there was this cool action scene in the woods between Reeds and the army but it ended so fast, like why???!!!!!!

So now we have the whole gang back together again and we're like an hour into the movie maybe?? an hour 10 minutes??? I don't know, but I started to ask myself if I was watching the same movie, may be I'm in the wrong theater??? And this is when I'll just stop talking about the movie and discuss something else, why the fuck did fox make this movie?? Having a melt down between a director and the studio isn't something new, heck, ant freaking man had some backstage issues and Marvel decided to bring a new director o board but at least Disney (marvel) had a vision. Disney wanted the movie to connect with the rest of Marvel's universe but Edgar Wright was like fuck you guys, I don't want to do that so Disney didn't really give a shit, brought a new director, rewrote some stuff and released the movie that they wanted to release. On the other hand, that second part of the movie showed that Fox didn't really have anything on their minds. So yeah, the guys at Fox didn't like Josh's version so what did Fox want to do?? I'm really sure that even if Trank's version wasn't that great (we'll never know) but at least the guy had a vision, he had something on his mind. But the guys at Fox didn't really care, they really didn't give a fuck so things like this for example slipped away:

A fucking wig in a 120 million dollars produced movie, the wig was so fake and obvious that I felt as if Fox was saying ''Fuck you'' to who ever went to see this movie. So if the studio it self didn't really give a damn about the movie, so why should the people?? But it was really obvious that Fox knew that the thing that they had in their hands was so shitty and horrific that even the cast didn't see the movie till it was released. And by god, the god awful climax!! When doom came out of no where and added him to mix he did have some cool stuff like making people's heads explode and shit but he didn't really use his powers in the final scenes, fuck, the finished the guy off in 10 fucking minutes!! 10 freaking minutes!!! The climax, the movie's most important (and only) real action scene started and ended in 10 freaking minutes. The F4 destroyed their emo arch nemesis in 10 minutes and boy did they ruin Doom's character to the point that I really didn't give a single fuck when he appeared, I was like ''Is he in the movie?!''. 

Here is a quote that I really liked from a review:

''If “Victor Domashev” was even remotely interesting at one point, these cuts and changes have removed every aspect of his personality. All that’s left is a one-dimensional psycho that still doesn’t look or act like the traditional Doctor Doom''.

Read More: Everything That Was Cut From ‘Fantastic Four’ Before Its Release | http://screencrush.com/fantastic-four-trailer-scenes-cut-from-movie/?trackback=tsmclip

Doom's character suffered from the re-shoots and the rewritings to a point that   his character didn't make any sense. And that laughable fighting scream was so bland, so green screened, so shitty that even the cast didn't give a single fuck, you could see how flat they were. Plus, you will really have to ask yourself why are the even fighting?? Why are they together?? The f4 didn't really interact with each other for like half the movie, the whole thing had this big MEH feeling into it. After that horrific scene you'll have to ask yourself about the stuff that we saw in the trailers, It's like ordering a big mac only to receive a happy meal instead. If you are interested, here are some of the scenes and stuff that didn't make it to the final version of the movie:

http://screencrush.com/fantastic-four-trailer-scenes-cut-from-movie/

And then after this grimness, darkness and Meh , the movie turned into some sort of a parody or a campy 1960s movie. Those final scenes feel like as if they were shooting another movie, not the one that we were watching!! It's a shame to see such a talented cast getting wasted in such a terrible excuse of a movie. It's a shame to see Josh Trank getting fucked that way and by god it's a shame to see that the backstage drama is more interesting than the movie it self, It's a sad movie, a really sad one and I really want to see a director's cut to see where did Trank want to take this, but I guess this won't happen but at least the people said fuck you to Fox and decided to just skip the whole thing. If you really want to know the true meaning of epic fail then don't waste any time and go watch this, you will be amazed (Lol, it costed more than $120 million) ,,,, 

  

Beautiful Creatures movie,,, Underrated, campy and not twilight!!

Let's be clear, I love this movie and I really do think that it's one hell of an underrated adaptation!! And it's way better than stuff like Divergent and the god awful Twilight series, I was about to mention the mortal instruments then I remembered that no one bothered to go watch this shit. It might not be the best movie ever, or one of the best adaptations ever but its magic lays in its campiness, and yes the movie does have its faults but for me, this movies has its own charm that made me fall in love with it. 

The first thing that caught my attention are the two leads and by god I loved them!! They acted like normal teenagers, not too god damned depressed or too god damn bitchy, there was this balance that made them likable to me and taking the witch part away I at some point was like ''Well yeah, I can relate to this a bit!". I really do think that both Alice Englert & Alden Ehrenreich did a great job and were charming together, there was this chemistry that is missing from other movies like The mortal instruments. Plus I found Alden's (Ethan) character really interesting and not  one dimensional though he had issues . The thing with most YA movie adaptations is that some people think that every god damn novel should be turned into a movie, and the way the choices they make for these movies. 

Movies like The mortal instruments and the Divergent series are huge examples of those wrong choices like the cast members, the screenplays and those who were hired behind the chair to do the job. Choosing a director like Robert Schwentke was really odd and that's why Insurgent had this meh feeling to it, plus the way they translated the book into the big screen felt awkward as if the writers and screen players mashed things up so things didn't feel smooth or cohesive enough to make the movie interesting. Adapting books into a movies isn't an easy task and for a movie like Beatiful creatures I really do think that writer/director Robert Schwentke tried to bring something new to the table and give the film this campy feeling to it which is another problem that faces YA adaptations. It feels like those are behind these movies want to give you this serious tune even if the topic itself is ridiculous and stupid, or unrealistic. In the divergent series those who have read the book understand what led to creation of this version of Chicago and why are the divergents so special even if the whole conclusion is stupid but at least you understand but the movie really failed in making people getting invested in this weird ass society. The whole idea of fractions is tricky and you need a hell of a screenwriter and director to make the whole thing digestible for the viewer. The first Harry Potter made you get invested into the whole special boy thing and made the movie watchable for both parents and children and as our heroes grow up and so are the viewers and so for each new part the brought on a new director to take the movie to a new level and climax to make people stay hooked. Most YA movies fail to do that, most movies feel like ''meh'' wtf am I watching?! Why is a divergent so special ?? Why would someone go through all of this trouble to kill a couple of people?? A movie goer won't wait for the next movie to know so you have to make him hooked and want to know more, that's the whole thing, a movie isn't like a book and some books aren't adaptable. I guess that's what Beautiful creatures tried to do, make the movie a standalone thing that will hook the readers and the casual movie goer. Yeah, the movie did suffer from some plot holes and some weird ass reaction from our heroes and the CGI wasn't that epic and we can question the ending but this movie was brutally criticized and didn't get the chance to shine like other movies, I think this movie is way better than other adaptations like Twilight and COB. And you could feel that the cast were having fun in the movie especially Jeremy Irons and  Emma Thompson, boy, did they do a great job. That's the great thing about the movie, it had a nice cast, good direction, it felt different and the screen play was written in a good way. It may not be the perfect adaptation but by god it isn't a bad adaptation at all.