the divergent series: allegiant (review)...

I love the divergent book series so when they decided to adapt them into the big screen I was really excited but the first two movies were really REALLY underwhelming and forgettable so when they decided to adapt the last and the worst book in the whole series I was really worried that this could the shittiest thing that humanity could witness, so how was allegiant the movie???  Lets find out. 

This might the best one out of the whole series till now and that says a lot since I really, really hate the first two movies especially the second one because I had a lot of expectations and boy did the marketing deceive us with this really cool poster. 

But this doesn't mean that the movie is a masterpiece, it's more of a one night stand but they corrected a lot of the mistakes done in the first two movies. The movie started really well and the wall climbing part was great and interesting to watch but after that part things started to fall down and the plot holes started to get as wide as (put any vagina jokes that you have on your mind), you get the point. The effects of the post apocalyptic Chicago and the generic affair building (whatever its name is) were really cheesy and cheap for a movie that cost more 100 million dollars to produce. 

My biggest issue with the movie is that I really felt that the whole thing could have been wrapped up by the end of the movie, the ending it self doesn't make you want to see what happens next, if you add like extra 10 minutes you can end the whole thing and move on and that's the problem of the whole series, they fail to make you wait for what't going to happen next. For a movie that isn't bringing the box office on fire  that last movie could have been enough to put the series out of its misery. 

The acting is decent and once again the highlight of the movie i no other than Myles Teller aka Peter, this guy is amazing!! The rest of the cast are good and Jeff Daniels is decent, nothing really special about his role and acting, he is just like any evil adult figure in the YA genre (adults are evil, teens are special, blah blah blah). 

There are a lot of changes from the book and that's good thing since the book is really boring and complicated and full of shit so they tried to make this movie as interesting as possible, the ending of the movie is totally different and unrelated to the events in the book so it's interesting to see how are the going to wrap the whole thing up in the final movie. 

So the movie is decent, watchable, there are a couple of good action scenes, awesome wall climbing, some laughable effects and some nice acting so yeah they managed to fix some of the errors that took place in the first couple of movies but still the movie isn't that great. Fact is the whole series just fails in differentiating itself from the YA dystopian genre. It's full of cliches and they just fail to engage people is whatever the hell is going on. The movies didn't even generate that much money to divide the last book into two movies!! The real frustrating thing about allegiant is that they really could have warped it up and just move on to another project. I can even tell you how they could have ended the whole thing (spoilers), after breaking the wall an angry mob could go to the gene people building and just bring the mortherfucker down and that's it, they get to live in peace with one another and Tris marries four and everyone is happy, the end, see, that wasn't hard, was it????

Final verdict:

Shithunters,,, the tv show...

In 2013 Cassandra Clare and co decided to adopt her best selling book series ''the mortal instruments'' into the big screen because why not?? and the result?? One of the shittiest movies I've ever seen in my life, the whole thing was a huge mess, a hell of a train wreck and as result the movie tanked (thank god). 

just look at those eyebrows

But instead of giving up and put the whole thing to rest, Cassandra and Co decided that the world just needs another generic YA adaptation to get shoved into our asses and so the books were adapted to a TV show, and after finishing the first season I can say without a doubt that boy that was really REALLY BAD. 

The show doesn't add anything new to the YA world and by god the show is trying to take it self really seriously so it puts it self into the so bad it's good territory. With bland acting, generic and under developed  characters and shitty pacing and effects, you have a really great train wreck that is waiting to happen. 

The show fails to make you get invested and care about whatever is going on, but by the end of the show you will feel that you really don't give a fuck about anything. Throughout the series you will hear about how evil and dangerous this guy Valentine is, but you don't really know why or how because all he does is standing and say evil shit without doing anything that makes you say ''oh, this guy is so fucking evil'', it's like watching a parody, not a character that you should give a fuck about.  

The acting itself is a major issue in this show, most of the performances are really really bad and shallow, there are some highlights but more on that later. 

Another generic thing about this show is the whole ''the special one thing'', nothing new here. I really don't know what's so special about Clary, what makes her important is that she owns the cup and here mum and dad are so fucking important and that's it. Plus she is one hell of a bitch!! and yeah she has to fall in love with the hot guy, FUCK YOU. 

There are a couple of highlights in this shitfeast: Alberto Rosende aka Simon and Harry Shum, Jr. aka Bane. Those two are the only redeeming thing in the show. Bane's character is surprisingly good and makes me interested in seeing more of this guy and as for alberto (Simon), the guy is really appealing and managed to turn a stereotypical character into something interesting to watch. 

So my final verdict?? What we have here is a poor show with shitty swords and characters that fails to make you care about anything that is going on but manages to fall into the so bad it's good to watch because of it's cheesiness and how it tries to take itself seriously... 

No guts, no glory... Cairo Runners 2016 half marathon highlights,,,,

Depression is like suffering from a coma, you know that you are awake physically but mentally you are in somewhere else. By time this will also drain you physically,  you will lose interest in everything even food and going to work starts to become an impossible task and it becomes more freaky when even pizza doesn't even fix you. The last couple of months were really hard on me and I fell down to this dark place that made me freak out but what made try to at least keep moving is the annual half marathon. You see, in the last three years the half marathon became a huge part in my life, and running as a sport is the best thing that happened to me in the last three years. Waking up and running is really awesome, you spend a year preparing yourself then you get the chance to challenge your self mentally and physically at the half marathon. This year's event was really important to me, to prove to myself that deep inside I'm still alive and that yes I can fight my demons and get back on track again. so here are some of the personal and general highlights of yesterday's event: 

1- One of the most important things that you should do while running a half marathon is keeping yourself nurtured to avoid hitting the runners wall and this year the organizers made sure that the participants didn't suffer from such a fate by distributing bananas and dates while running.   

2- Never in a million years would anyone expect that about 7,000 person went to the event!!! 7,000 runner invading the streets of Cairo!! this by itself is a mind blowing achievement. 

3- At some point my knees were killing me and my hopes of breaking my last year's personal record were about to get crushed this when the spirit of the warrior took over me when his mighty entrance music hit me, thanks to this moment I managed to achieve my goal. RIP Mr Warrior...

4- Cheer leaders, clowns, an american football team, some nice Maadi folks,Reebok, and the freaking scouts!! the organizers made sure to bring as much people as possible to cheer the runners and give them an extra push to finish the half marathon, thanks guys... 

5- Seeing people like Mohamed Al- Sawy and the godfather of underground sports in Egypt Captain Hesham running besides you is a great treat and gives people like me the motivation to keep going and yes to make fitness and sports part of your lifestyle.

5- Seeing Cairokee live after a hell of a run is a really nice treat and the way people interacted with the band made the live show a really epic one, hell yeah \m/...

6- A huge shout out to those who are going to represent Egypt in the years Olympics in Rio, good luck guys and a really great gesture from Cairo runners and the organizing team.

A huge thank you to Cairo runners for such an amazing event!!! without a doubt Cairo runners is the most important thing that happened to me in the last three years, 3 years of running and 3 half marathons, now lets get ready for number 4 \m/ ......

  

Doom and gloom

Seems like modern day cinema can't survive without franchises, every studio wants to have its own ''Harry potter'' in order to generate a shitload of money and milk the cow in the future. So it wasn't that weird when every god damn well known YA series were turned into movies and the 5th wave is the latest addition to the YA movies family and yeah it bombed, at least in the USA. So the question is, are YA adaptations doomed?? 

The thing about the dystopian genre (and any other YA fantasy adaptations) is that they all have the same damn cliches, nothing really new to add:

1- there is always a corrupted government or a bunch of assholes who control things.

2- There is always a chosen one, a Neo, someone who'll save the society from the ruling assholes. 

3- Teens are always fighting, a group of people who are still trying to deal with their hormones are trained to fight and kill like savages, fuck yeah.

4- A fucking love triangle with two hot leads and don't forget the abs. The society is fucked up but there is always time for a love triangle. In case of not having a love triangle, the chosen one will end up with a hot but emotionally fucked up dude. It's ok, love will make them survive. 

5- Adults are a bunch of assholes. Trust no one, Mulder. 

6- There is always a game or test that you will have to pass to determine your fucked up future.

7- The heroine always has self esteem issues, emotionally fucked up and so fucking boring.

When adopting a book into a movie, you are not targeting the fans of the books, you're targeting movie fans so you really have to make things interesting for them. What was so interesting about Tris?? A divergent is a normal person so why would you expect the people to give a fuck about a totally normal person living in a weird ass society?? The movie makers failed in making a connection between the characters and the audience so people didn't really give a fuck about the whole thing. Those who are making these adaptations aren't trying to add anything new to their movies so people aren't really that thrilled with these movie. Harry potter movies are interesting to watch, you could feel that those behind the movies knew what they were doing and who to choose to sit behind the chair and have a vision to make the movies work for both the fans and the audience so people went to see the movies without hesitating. 

But when you have different titles but with the same elements, people won't really give a fuck and movies like the giver are prime examples. The movie market is huge and there are a lot of movies to choose from and these movie don't really standout and aren't attractive enough for people to spend their hard earned money on. So is the YA genre dead ??? Well, if things keep going like this then yeah, pretty much. 

Shatter me, f*ck me,,,

It's been a while!! Had to make a lot of best of lists, tribute articles and of course work so I was really busy in the last couple of month. For some reason I though that reading The shatter me series would be a great idea especially after finding out that the series has some really solid rating on goodreads but boy did I regret it. That was the biggest ''Fuck you'' I've ever experienced. So what makes this series so bad?? Let's find out. 

1- I just didn't buy the world that they were living in..

So nature got pissed and decided to take revenge or something which led to this fucked up dystopian society,  it's like watching a poor sequel to the happening. 

I guess the author was inspired by things like Birdemic and the day after tomorrow. So ok lets say that the whole world got fucked by the environment, how did the establishment take over the world??? Nuclear power??? Robots?? angry birds??? No one knows.

Books like the hunger games and divergent made sure that the dystopian societies are small scale societies to make things make more sense and convincing. I didn't buy Mafi's world and that's a huge problem for a trilogy.  

2- The NWO aka the reestablishment 

So according to Mafi's dystopia there is a new world order, they are tough and ruthless motherfuckers who have no mercy at all.

 

Well, that was a cool idea but by god did Mafi ruin such a cool idea, instead we ended up with a group led by your stereotypical Asshole and the way they brought the NWO government down was pathetic and stupid. The hunger games made sure that we feel the wrath of the Capitol's government and so did books like 1984, they made you feel how strong and sadistic those regimes are but here??? What was supposed to be a hell of a regime who took over the fucking world got defeated so quickly in the most wtf way ever. As for their leader, Anderson he is the most generic evil guy you'll ever meet, all he needed was a cat and an evil laugh and I won't even talk about his issues with his son (more on that later). 

3- Nothing really happens 

We spent most of the first book in an asylum, then we went to an army's camp, Adam's house and that's it. In book two we spent most of the time underground and in book three we spent some valuable time in Warner's room and the army's facility. What about the rest of the country??? We didn't get to see how the world looks like, yeah yeah we got a hint here and there about where people live and stuff like that but most of the time they're either underground or any place with walls which made things boring and slow. 

4- The X- Men 

The idea of having superpowers was really interesting and meeting the people at Omega point was a great idea but it got ruined by the shitty love triangle. Focusing on omega point and it's characters might have been a greater idea and by god making Juliette the chosen one was sp stupid!! Mafi could have selected a different route and do something unique with Castle and his X- men but instead Mafi turned castle into an idiot and Juliette got to be our new messiah. The story didn't need a chosen one but hey it's a dystopian story so there must be a chosen one. Plus Juliette is like the worst chosen one I've ever seen but more on that later. 

5 - Juliette...

So you have a fucked up regime, a dying world, a group of mutant rebellions and some serious mental issues but instead of focusing on all of this we get to witness who Juliette wants to fuck. Who gives a shit??? Thing is there are people who give a shit about such fucked up things. Is it that important to have a boy friend??? Instead of focusing on her powers and shit we get to sit through Juliette's arguments with her emo boyfriend Adam who turned from a beloved person to one crazy abusive motherfucker, at some point I thought that he was on his way to join the dark side. 

And that's why I love Kenji because he was the only sane person in the whole trilogy, the world doesn't really revolve around Juliette and her hormones. And Aron, let's face it the guy is one mad motherfucker but somehow he turned out to be a good guy with some daddy issues, the way Mafi writes her characters is really disturbing and unstable. Most of Ignite me was wasted on Juliette and Aron's relation instead of focusing on their real mission which was destroying the reestablishment which made the whole thing feel unfocused and forced. And it's beyond me on how they trusted her to be their leader, she is in love with a maniac and she isn't stable at all and she is controlled by her hormones how would you trust her to lead you and take over the world and destroy the NWO??? How the fuck does this even make any sense???! And boy the way that she destroyed Anderson and his army, wow, Superman had to destroy a whole city to defeat General Zod which makes the reestablishment the most mediocre villains ever plus those who are around juliette are idiots for trusting her to lead the world but I guess at some point someone will realized that making her the leader is a huge mistake and that she should seek some professional help. 

  

Shitty movies that shouldn't even exist...

So by now it's obvious that I'm into B- horror movies and bad movies that they are good and entertaining to watch. But sometimes you will stumble on some movies that are simply bad, and at some point you'll have to ask yourself why were these movie made?? I just want my wasted hours back, fuck you for wasting my precious time. 

The Hoarder

Plot (IMDB): A young woman enters an underground storage facility, where she soon finds herself trapped and stalked by a killer.

I though that this might be an interesting film, reading the movie's plot made me think that this might be an entertaining movie but instead this ended being a hell of mess. The acting is just terrible, as if the ''actors'' just wanted to wrap this shit up, take their and call it a day. The script is so poor and by god the ''killings?'' are so poorly done. I don't want to spoil the movie but that ending was a hell of an epic fail, but seeing Andrew Buckley running like an idiot was the highlight of the movie. 

Agoraphobia

Plot (IMDB):: An agoraphobic inherits her father's house in a remote part of the Florida Keys. When weird things start happening, she discovers that there's something far more terrifying trapped inside the house with her.

Seeing Tony Todd on the poster made me want to see this movie so fuck you movie for deceiving me. They just threw his name in to attract people to see this shitfest. The movie's biggest problem is that it's deceiving and nothing really happens, by god this is a hell of a boring film. The movie was supposed to be a supernatural horror movie but it ended up being a soap opera that happens to involve a ghost in it. Even the ''scary'' parts are so meh and forgettable. Fuck you again for putting Tony Todd on the poster.

Echoes 

Plot (Rotten Tomatoes):Struggling with horrifying, sleep-paralysis induced visions, a young writer retreats with her boyfriend to an isolated desert house. As the visions intensify, she finds herself on the verge of losing her mind...or uncovering a life-threatening secret

While the acting and the direction are good and Kate French did a solid job but the script and the plot are really weak and made watching paint dry and far more interesting idea than seeing this movie. I don't know what happened but the sleep paralysis idea was really interesting until they threw in the ghost thing which wasn't really necessary. This really pissed me off because the locations were really interesting, so bad they were wasted on this snorefest. 

V/H/S Viral

While the first movie had some interesting ideas and the second one was a masterpiece, the third one was a big pile of shit. I'm not sure what were they thinking while making this movie but by god the whole thing was just awful. It's one of those ''Hey we need a sequel'' type of movies. It's a shame that such a great series ended in a such shitty way. 

A nightmare on elm street (2010)

I really don't know why did they want to remake this movie?? In an age that is full meaningless  remakes and reboots this is worst of them all. Unlike Rob Zombie's Halloween in which he tried to put his own touch on the movie, this one here fails to justify it's existence. Even with a higher budget than the old one, it fails in bringing the magic that Wes Craven brought in the original movie. The movie is so bland, generic and mediocre at its best, in other words we didn't need a nightmare on elm street remake. Fuck you for doing this to such a great series. 

Shit to watch on Halloween

So Halloween is on its way and as you know, when it come to Halloween, horror movies are a must. So I decided to write a list of horror movies that I like, and no this list won't contain movies like Saw and Halloween because you already know them. Lets try to dig deeper in the B movies territory. 

 V/H/S 2

Plot (FROM IMDB): Searching for a missing student, two private investigators break into his house and find collection of VHS tapes. Viewing the horrific contents of each cassette, they realize there may be dark motives behind the student's disappearance.

While the first movie was good, VHS 2 is a masterpiece when it comes to found footage movies. The movie is more focused and it's full of holyshit moments and interesting ideas. The part that makes this movie a terrifying piece of art is ''safe haven'' brought to you by the crazy motherfucker behind ''The raid'' Gareth Evans. A hell of segment but this doesn't mean that the rest of the movie is bad, but this one here is a masterpiece by its own. 

Let us prey

Plot (FROM IMDB): Held in a remote police station, a mysterious stranger takes over the minds and souls of everyone inside.

Who knew that the Irish could make such amazing movie. This movie made me want to discover more movies made by the Irish film council and by god did I  discover some amazing shit. This movie is really twisted, and has old school elements to it. It's sad that such movies don't take their chances compared to other shitty movies. 

From Beyond 

Plot (FROM IMDB): A group of scientists have developed the Resonator, a machine which allows whoever is within range to see beyond normal perceptible reality. But when the experiment succeeds, they are immediately attacked by terrible life forms.

Such an underrated movie!! From the mastermind behind the Re-animator, Stuart Gordon. The thing that makes this a great movie is the fact that it's taken from a short story written by the lunatic H.P Lovecraft.  The 80s is full of underrated treasures and when it comes to B- movies this is a must see movie. 

You are next

Plot (FROM IMDB): When the Davison family comes under attack during their wedding anniversary getaway, the gang of mysterious killers soon learns that one of the victims harbors a secret talent for fighting back.

Mixing black humor with gore is a great idea that added a lot to the home invasion genre. The movie is smart and full of interesting twists. Sharni Vinson is the best thing of the movie, till now this is one of my favourite home invasion movies. 

Spring 

Plot (FROM IMDB): A young man in a personal tailspin flees the US to Italy, where he sparks up a romance with a woman harboring a dark, primordial secret.

A mix between horror and romance, this movie is surreal and one of the best movies that came out in 2015. I really don't know how to describe this but if you are into fresh and somewhat out of the box ideas then this movie is for you. 

The Canal

Plot (FROM IMDB): Film archivist David (Rupert Evans) has been having a rough time lately, as he suspects that his wife Alice (Hannah Hoekstra) has been cheating on him with Alex (Carl Shaaban), one of her work clients. This stress is compounded when David's work partner Claire (Antonia Campbell-Hughes) gives him a reel of to-be-archived footage that shows that his house was the setting for a brutal murder in 1902.

Let's wrap this up with another Irish movie. Ivan managed to create a hunting and creepy atmosphere with a really twisty ending. This movie isn't for everyone because of it's slow build up. The movie is more atmospheric than depending on jump scares, the director managed to create a grim atmosphere with the location and manged to make me glued to my seat until the end. 

So that's it for now, there are more movies on my mind but that's it for now, hope you enjoy these movie and happy HALLOWEEN....